Dearly Beloved

The day I got married was a happy day in my life. That day, I slept until noon! :) I was working a swing shift and I was adjusting to being off for a few days from the night shift. Usually I could make this transition pretty well but this time it took a couple of days. I woke up that day with a lot of happiness and didn't have a care in the world. I had to be at the church at 5:00 PM and the wedding would start at 6:00 PM. So what does a bachelor do on his last day? He wastes time doing a lot of nothing. I did this well until about 4:00 then I realized that I had forgotten to buy the bridal bouquet. "Oh No!" was the first thing out of my mouth. I called the florist to see what time they close on Saturday and they said 4:30. I said, "Could you do me a favor and see me at 4:45?" I told them my situation and they laughed at me, but did agree to this. They put this little bouquet of daisies and roses together for me in about 20 minutes. It was very nice but I had to pay through the eye teeth for it because of my forgetfulness. I also kept them after their normal hours. It was then that I was aware that the time was now 5:15. I noticed that I was starting to wring my sweaty hands.

"OK Khris, time to get it in gear!" So the church was about 20 minutes away at this point. I was dressed and had the bouquet and got there at about 5:45. The traffic didn't cut me any slack. So now I have this bouquet and give it to the bridesmaid and they take it back to my future wife. The preacher, my best man, and I all go into this little room in the back. "Man am I glad that's over!" Then these two proceed to tell me how it isn't over and what to expect. The preacher had laryngitis from a virus and was barely able to speak. About then my legs started to shake. The shaking happened right before the hyperventilation. I haven't been nervous the entire day and all of a sudden, I am terrified! The next thing I knew, it was time to stand at the altar. We proceed out and everything has begun. I was sweating, my knees were shaking and I was just a nervous wreck! My brother was my best man and I could see him smile at me. That was encouraging! He used to only smile at me before he beat me up! How comforting! The music started and I saw my bride. She was the most beautiful sight that I had ever seen in my life. She had the bouquet that I had almost forgotten and her father was walking her toward me. I remember the vows and I remember the introduction of the new couple to the congregation, but most everything else is a blur. The associate pastor had to deliver the final prayer because the preacher had lost all of his voice just after he pronounced us man and wife. I also remember seeing my car as we left the church. It was pretty well made up. All sorts of things written on it and all manner of debris on it. That did not really bother me, it was a Ford and not really a good looking one. This was an improvement actually! :)

Now my bride had woke up at 6:00 AM on the day of our wedding. She had a million things to do before the wedding. She had a lot of family in from out of town and it was very chaotic for her. By the time we got to her apartment after the reception, she was exhausted. For that matter I was too. I would like to say it was a very romantic evening but we were both so wasted from nerves and everything else that we just slept. We had relatives and well wishers over until almost midnight. She had this little twin size bed and we both tried to sleep in it. When I woke up, she was on the floor. She told me there just wasn't room on the bed for both of us. So much for the romantic wedding night. One thing is for sure. It was truly a memorable day for a lot of other reasons. :)

A Love Story

When I was 23 years old, I had not dated for a couple of years. I was just tired of the routine, and to be honest, not finding anyone that suited me. When I would find someone that I liked, they had issues with me for one reason or another. Sometimes the parents didn't approve of me. Sometimes they would meet someone they liked better. This kind of thing gets very old! Very fast! So I just stopped dating altogether. Still lonely, dejected and just not happy about a lot of things in general, I picked up the newspaper. In the classified section there was this small advertisement about a computer dating service called "Dateline". Now I had seen these ads before and told myself that I didn't need that sort of thing. Matter of fact, I had seen those ads for quite some time now. Just a small 3 line ad. No bells or whistles or anything. For some reason, I had this strong desire to find out more about this place and I mailed them for an application. About a week later I got the application and filled it out and sent in the $25 fee. They claimed to match you up with someone according to your likes and dislikes, faith, and all kinds of criteria. I was honest when I answered, but didn't really think they could find someone for me within the 100 mile radius that I had chosen. Turned out I was right. They found 3! :) I lived near Honea Path, SC and there was one woman in Gaffney, one in Columbia and another in Lexington just outside of Columbia. Pretty good for 25 bucks! I was planning to make my calls the next day and get the normal rejection kind of thing that I had grown so fond of. Turns out, one of them called me first. It was the one from Lexington, SC. I was surprised how pleasant she sounded. She was intelligent and very well spoken. I was impressed and we soon set up our first date.

One Saturday in October, I went down to see her. I got lost about 5 miles from her house and had to find a pay phone. She gave me directions and soon I was there. We talked for a while and I took her to lunch. By this time I was thinking, "What a bargain for 25 bucks!" We spent the day walking and talking and laughing. I really liked this woman. We spent all day together and after supper I took her home. I had a long drive ahead of me so I kissed her goodnight. She actually kissed me back! Most women didn't usually kiss on a first date. Most guys will always try though. It was worth trying! This was the opposite of rejection! How did that happen? I don't really remember too much about the drive home except for this floating feeling I had all the way home. I was infatuated with her at that point, not in love. That came a few months later. When it happened, it just kind of sneaked up on me. Strange thing is that I never heard from the other 2 ladies that Dateline had set me up with, nor could I ever get in contact with them. That never bothered me. Really, I believe that our meeting was preordained. Anyway, I got the one that mattered. Now I believe, with all of my heart, that there is someone for everyone. It is a far better thing to have what you need rather than what you want. I am very blessed that I got both! I do not believe in luck at all. I believe in providence!

This computer date has since become my wife, the mother of our daughter, and all that I could ever want or desire. I think that I truly got the best of the deal. I got her and she only got me, and I can be a difficult person to be with at times. Even though our meeting was unconventional, it was meant to be. I love her with all that I am. I told that to a dear friend of mine this past week. It is more true today than it was yesterday, but not as much as it will be tomorrow. And it only cost me 25 dollars! :)

With this ring...

My wife is a pretty good cook. I know, because I have the belly to prove it. :) She works hard to come up with recipes that are new or put a new spin on something old. She watches the Food Network when she can and searches the internet for new and exciting recipes. To be honest, some are more exciting than others. I wanted to start this out with the praise of my wife because it has not always been this way. We have been married for 23 years this past January. In 1986 when we first married, I did a lot of the cooking. Now I am not the best cook in the world, just adequate. There was a time that first year that she cooked this "bean medley" that filled a dutch oven. I think it was 3 different kind of beans. When she told me that it was ready I got a bowl and a spoon and filled it to almost the top. That was my first mistake. Then I took a bite of it. That was my second mistake. She asked me "How does it taste." I told her that the spoon had more taste than the meal she cooked for hours. That was my third mistake.

I look back at this event now and regret it very much. There was a failure that day, but it was mine--not hers! Earlier that year I took a vow: For better, for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. To honor and to cherish. Forsaking all others, including my hunger. To love her as Christ loved the church. You see, the failure was not hers that day, it was mine. I failed the vow that I had taken that day in January just a little while ago. A loving husband would offer to help with the seasoning of the meal, just as he should help to season the marriage. A loving husband would have tried to eat it anyway and said that he appreciated the effort. Maybe he would even have thanked her for cooking. So many times through these years I have failed my vows to her and to God. Not with other women, but with other things that took priority in my own mind, through selfishness. Only in the past few years, after the sickness, being poor, and other hardships that we have encountered, did I develop a love for her that passes my understanding. God has given me a love for my wife that is difficult to explain. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for her.

To the women that read this I would exhort, be patient with him. He does not realize the fullness of the hurt that he is causing sometimes. Pray for him. Don't nag about small things. This does not mean that you should take any form of abuse. I have never raised a hand to my wife even when I was not thinking right. No matter what, you don't hit women! To the men that read this I would say, love your wife as Christ loved the church, giving himself for it. He has given you a great gift. Honor her and cherish her as the help that she is to you. Honor your vows that were made to God as well as your wife! If you are finding yourself filled with contempt for her, your problem may be as easily seen as mine was, by looking in the mirror.