With this ring...

My wife is a pretty good cook. I know, because I have the belly to prove it. :) She works hard to come up with recipes that are new or put a new spin on something old. She watches the Food Network when she can and searches the internet for new and exciting recipes. To be honest, some are more exciting than others. I wanted to start this out with the praise of my wife because it has not always been this way. We have been married for 23 years this past January. In 1986 when we first married, I did a lot of the cooking. Now I am not the best cook in the world, just adequate. There was a time that first year that she cooked this "bean medley" that filled a dutch oven. I think it was 3 different kind of beans. When she told me that it was ready I got a bowl and a spoon and filled it to almost the top. That was my first mistake. Then I took a bite of it. That was my second mistake. She asked me "How does it taste." I told her that the spoon had more taste than the meal she cooked for hours. That was my third mistake.

I look back at this event now and regret it very much. There was a failure that day, but it was mine--not hers! Earlier that year I took a vow: For better, for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. To honor and to cherish. Forsaking all others, including my hunger. To love her as Christ loved the church. You see, the failure was not hers that day, it was mine. I failed the vow that I had taken that day in January just a little while ago. A loving husband would offer to help with the seasoning of the meal, just as he should help to season the marriage. A loving husband would have tried to eat it anyway and said that he appreciated the effort. Maybe he would even have thanked her for cooking. So many times through these years I have failed my vows to her and to God. Not with other women, but with other things that took priority in my own mind, through selfishness. Only in the past few years, after the sickness, being poor, and other hardships that we have encountered, did I develop a love for her that passes my understanding. God has given me a love for my wife that is difficult to explain. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for her.

To the women that read this I would exhort, be patient with him. He does not realize the fullness of the hurt that he is causing sometimes. Pray for him. Don't nag about small things. This does not mean that you should take any form of abuse. I have never raised a hand to my wife even when I was not thinking right. No matter what, you don't hit women! To the men that read this I would say, love your wife as Christ loved the church, giving himself for it. He has given you a great gift. Honor her and cherish her as the help that she is to you. Honor your vows that were made to God as well as your wife! If you are finding yourself filled with contempt for her, your problem may be as easily seen as mine was, by looking in the mirror.